I met Kim on Thursday, April 12, 2007.
It was the very first event of Bruin Consulting, the kickoff event that would determine if my first entrepreneurial endeavor would prove to be a success. I had my business suit on, a hand-me-down from my dad that was 2 sizes too big for me, and was nervously preparing for my welcome presentation.
To my surprise, hundreds of students showed up. And then I saw her. She was wearing a business casual suit and glasses. She had this vibrant hair that stood out among all others. And her face, her heart-shaped face sealed the deal for me.
I’ll never forget the first moment I saw Kim, the moment that I fell in love.
To this day, one of my most popular blog posts is How I know my girlfriend it the one I’m going to marry. I wrote that post on April 26, 2009, barely 2 years after I first met Kim.
Looking back, I honestly had no idea what I was doing. Kim and I were both very early in our relationships and still had a lot of maturing to do — especially me.
As I approach 30, 3 months and counting, more and more of my close friends are thinking about getting married. I often get asked, “How did you know that you were ready?”.
The common response is that “it’s a tough question with no simple answer,” but for me, it was actually quite simple, and perfectly captured in my vows to Kim.
Do you remember when we were 22 and I quit my job to pursue a startup? We were so young in our relationship, and yet, you supported me without a single ounce of hesitation. When I was reckless, you were supportive, which is why my first vow to you is to wholeheartedly encourage and inspire you to achieve your dreams.
I know that I can be pushy; I know that I can be too fiery in my encouragement, but it’s only because I see so much greatness in you. You’re the coolest person that I know, and you don’t even have to try. When you do something, you do it with such effortless elegance and grace. That’s why I vow to bring out that fire in you and to be the shoulder that you can stand on to fulfill your aspirations.
I married Kim because she full-heartedly supports me, no matter what I do. I could choose to quit my job today and go back to school to become a veterinarian. I could decide to move to a new country and live a new life (which we’re actually going to do this summer) and Kim would pack her bags and go with me.
At the same time, I have the drive and fire to push Kim to be better. In this way, we’re the perfect team: my drive and passion move us forward while Kim’s support and patience keep us grounded.
Do you remember when we were 25 and I moved to the Bay in pursuit of another startup? I picked up and moved away, making a selfish decision to put my career before you. And do you remember what you did? You helped me pack everything into my Mitsubishi Eclipse, took several days off work, and moved me into my new apartment. When I was selfish, you were giving, which is why my second vow to you is to put you first before anyone or anything else and make you my priority for the rest of our lives.
I know that I dedicate much of my time and thought to my work. But I promise to always put you first: to be there so that we can cook dinner together, climb rocks together, watch the playoffs together, raise our children together, and spend every significant minute together because I am happiest when I’m with you.
I know this is an extreme case, but I feel it’s worth mentioning. I recently read an article by Justine Musk, Elon Musk’s first wife: I was a starter wife. I’m sure Kim can empathize with the way Justine felt.
In our early 20’s, I was all about work. I wrote at least 1 blog post every week, I was non-stop on Twitter joining and participating in conversations, and I commented on and guest wrote for blogs to build my personal brand. It was hectic, and I loved it.
I distinctly remember telling Kim: “Snuggling is a waste of time. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
I was selfish. I put my career first and Kim was a far distant second. But no matter how deep I went into my career, Kim didn’t complain once; instead, she did what it took to help me succeed as an entrepreneur.
I’ve finally learned to balance my time and energy: working hard while keeping in perspective my first priority — Kim.
Kim didn’t give up on me because I was always publicly proud of her, relishing in her accomplishments and making sure the world knew how much I admired her. I invited her to my startup meetings and eagerly introduced her to other entrepreneurs. Looking back, I feel that this connected her to my work in a way that made my accomplishments her accomplishments. Though I was consumed in my work, I kept her deeply connected to my work, which only strengthened our bond.
Our love is battle tested; our love is genuine and jubilant. We’re the best because we’re a pairing of complementary parts:
- I’m driven — You’re patient
- I’m determined — You’re thoughtful
- I’m great at making money — You’re great at spending money
Though there are many career goals that I still want to accomplish, I feel that we’ve already won at life because we have each other. To love you as much as I do and to know that you love me just as much (as an equal) is the greatest feeling imaginable.
The most important element of our love is equality. I know in my heart that I love Kim and that she loves me just as much. This feeling of equality should not be understated because it’s incredibly hard to find. Many relationships end because the couple just wasn’t on the same page.
Furthermore, the love Kim and I have for each other is unafraid, unafraid to let go of inhibitions and doubts.
My third and final vow is the most important of all. I vow to love your family as you have loved mine. The joy that you have brought to my mom by making her a close part of the wedding and making her truly feel like she has the love of a daughter cannot possibly be put into words. My family is the most important thing in the world, and you are amazing because you have brought them happiness. I vow to do the same for your family.
I love you Kim.
My parents immigrated to the US to give Jay and me a better life; Kim’s parents immigrated to the US to give her and her brothers a better life. Though we’re culturally very different, we understand how important family is.
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The grass is always greener on the other side, but to me, it honestly isn’t. Kim and I have been together for our entire 20’s, and we’ve relished in every joy, every fight, every success, and every failure.
This is why I knew Kim was the one.